My last blog post was published months ago now, and since then somethings almost been pushing me away from blogging. I’m not sure whether it’s my anxiety or confidence, or something else, But the truth is after publishing my last post about Flare Fear I received hundreds of messages, My views spiked to an all time high, So why did I then just disappear.
Confidence is a complicated thing, You can feel confident within yourself but not about your appearance and vice versa, and the same goes for writing. I mentioned previously that before falling ill, I was the life and soul of every situation, the class clown, in with the popular crowd and always the one people wanted to be like, So I was told. I was the definition of confidence in every aspect except my appearance which I constantly picked at and changed, So was I actually confident or just good at putting a mask of confidence on?
Which is how I’ve been feeling about blogging recently, With my last post doing so well I panicked, Had I peaked? I now had to try to write something really again or nobody would bother reading my stuff again? I was mentally setting myself for a fall before I’d even published anything. The longer I put off publishing and blogging, the easier it got to stay away, I had so many ideas and my drafts were piling up, But i felt none of them ‘quite’ good enough to live up to. The internal battle has gone on for months now.
The more I followed other bloggers and read their fantastic content the more I worried, Why would people read my posts when there is amazing stuff like this out there? I watched daily bloggers absolutely smashing it throwing out Halloween posts, fall posts and now festive posts. And I felt stuck in mud full of expectations that I’d build myself, Mud that was knawing at my creativity and whispering to me that I should just give up because I was going to fail anyway so why even bother trying. I can thank my crippling anxiety for that one.
I sat thinking of all of the posts I had piling up and drank a cup of coffee, Id struggled so much over the years with my illnesses yet I’ve accomplished so much more than I’d ever thought I’d be able to. I had a baby. I run my own home. I battle my own body every day. So I took some deep breaths and took the plunge. I tried to remind myself that my blog posts have been read before and they be will again, If they fail, they fail and I’ll have nothing to loose.
So here I am, with a moral to my disappearance. Just because other people out there are creating content magical and wonderful doesn’t diminish your magical and wonderful content, It just means you’re both shining.
People shine, at different times and in different ways, But it doesn’t make your shine any less beautiful.